Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
