wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
is wine microwaveable?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
