Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
