I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
