I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
