you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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