somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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