id be glad to
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
