Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Randomize
