tell your sister to shave her snatch
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
