in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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