its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
