so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
