Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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