you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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