I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
