I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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