So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
