At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
