I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You left your phone here
Wait...
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