Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
