You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
