I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
