I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
