my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
