woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
