i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
