how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
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its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
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