i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
