He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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