I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
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she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
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You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
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