Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
