Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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