Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
