I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
