OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
