WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
