It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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