Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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