So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
