I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
