bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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