I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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