So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
