those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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