I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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