I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
