I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
