Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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