so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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