What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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