Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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