i think my tv is drunk
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
