is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
