Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
