can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
