I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
