I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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