Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
