another moral hangover. fuck.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
we made out on top of his cat.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
