Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
