Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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