i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
