just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize