We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
