First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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