after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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