Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
