She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
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He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
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I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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