I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
