Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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