so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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