escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
