We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
