Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
