I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
