Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
