Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She bit a glass in half.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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