i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
